your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
