is your mom at the bar?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
