Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
