dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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