I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
