just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love you.
Bad choice
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
