I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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