I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
