GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
