I wish my penis had an off switch
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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