I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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