dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
