and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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