evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
