Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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