Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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