It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
tell me about the fingering
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