Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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