i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
