After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Bring me that man meat
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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