im six kinds of drunk right now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
