You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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