Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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