I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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