I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
