If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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