There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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