Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
