So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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