New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
