omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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