I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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