i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
