Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
