he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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