Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
