i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love having hate sex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
