were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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