Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
