well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
