even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
