hotel room ftw
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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