she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
