anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
