let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
