UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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