My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
