Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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