don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
