and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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