is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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