I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And then my night got REAL pukey
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
