Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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