either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
