I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
